Sommer in France

My Angel in the Sunlight~

Today July 17th, 2012 is my very dear to my heart grand fathers Birthday; Jack Herget goes by Goomba. The sad day he left our world, May 24th, 2006 waved over my mind view as I began to waken from sleep.  I opened my eyes up to a warming sunlight shining angel faith onto the skin of my face through my bedroom window. I began to relive the memory of grandpa Goomba.. remembering as if it was yesterday when he was alive and standing strongly in my life. Standing tall, always very cleanly dressed, nice shiny shoes, plaid button down shirt, and nice jeans. I can see his big smile on his face, and bright personality, orchestrating morally good around him in his breath.  As I began to bring life to my body the birds outside my window sang me a tune of delightful support. My hands began to dance desire to my journal to write and connect with my Goomba. I closed my eyes and breathed deep blessed gratitude for my lineage and an exhale of love began to flow on paper.

Today I honor my Goomba for all he was on this planet and how his foot prints still cleanses the storms of our present currents. May of 2006 is when he passed away from an unfortunate dark Cancer that had slowly been taking his life over a couple very long sad months of declining light.

I feel inspired to share his beautiful life today. He was a very dedicated well mannered son, an incredible brother and father figure to his siblings & Mother being the working one and juggling going to school full time as well. Being always a role model in working hard as a young boy into his adult years at Sears where he later retired.  In addition, Goomba was also a great husband to my Grams, June Herget for over 58 years and sustained happily ever after. He knew how to treat a grand lady and how to be a fair father figure quickly to my Uncle Paul. With in moments of courting my Grams, he whispered wanting to open his valuable life with June with forever and then later conceived my mom, bringing her so gracefully into the world. Giving my mom (Barb) a wonderful life. I know Goomba was always the shoulder she would cry on, the loving hand to hold when she was scared and the emotionally grounding hug to make sure she understands every thing is going to be alright.

Jack  Herget had a way with charisma, always had good people around him because he was so nice, so smart, and so so talented. He was known as the best fishermen on Useless Bay. Goomba had a consistent way and unique technique in knowing how to catch the best fish and make the best smoked salmon on Maxwelton Beach. The best crabber on the block as well, catching all for his family, even though he could not eat them due to allergies.  An incredibly giving man and loved to make people smile. Even strangers would quickly become friends…his grocery clerk, his coffee barista, his waitress at his favorite mexican restarant would know him well and be positively impacted by him. he always had a way out for meals, in making sure things were payed for before we had picked what we ordered off the menu. He ALWAYS took care of his family well. Time was precious and he had away of always being one or two steps forward. ” So June what are we having for dinner tomorrow?” Jack loved sweets so so much! Even though he was diabetic, he some how would sneak a crispie cream donut, Wendys chocolate shake, or candy form Boems Chocolate Factory in Issaquah. He loved nature! He always lived in such gorgeous areas of Washington in his adult years; Whidbey Island, Twisp Methow Valley, Issaquah Plateau area, and many others when he was in the military. Goomba loved his poodle dog; Max. I have never met any other family that reserved a chair at every meal for their dog.   Max was very spoiled, especially by Goomba. They were so connected that as Gramps was slowly declining in his last few months of his life, Max also was declining too. The dog could not live with out his buddy.

He had great values. Grandpa is our family anchor when it came to traditions around holidays and making sure our whole family would be together. Grams & Gramps were passionatly present for every important moment of Jordie (my brother) and I’s lives.

Spending time with my Grandpa & Grams was always a special time for me. My favorite memories with my grand parents was living with them in college. Gramps proudly drove me to Community College when my Volvo was broken down.  He waited for me to get to my job at Tully’s Coffee on time so I could make his 8 pump sugar free vanilla latte and always would make sure I knew I was late.  I loved late night discussions and honest advice that only he would listen and support in his special way.  I always enjoyed sloppy joe dinner with them every Wednesday night, as they would wait on the edge of there seats for me to share my days activities. That time of my life brought them from grandparents to very close cherished friends.

He was a solid role model in my life. Goomba was my only Grandpa and I could not of asked for a more from one person. I could close my eyes right now and recapitulate the rush of being a kid and sitting on my gramps lap in his lounge chair, him tickling me, and making me giggle loudly. I can smell his earthy cologne and touch his soft plaid shirt and look right up his pronounced nostrils and hear him say, “I love you Sommer.”

The moment my grandpa began to decline … I could feel my hopeful spirit and light heart begin to dim.  Life without my Goomba was not something I ever desired to face. It was the longest drawn out few months.  Grandpa was to and from University Washington Hospital and Nursing Home, back and forth back and forth. Meanwhile my mom was with him and Grams everyday helping them to and from Whidbey Island and mainland…back and forth back and forth. I was in my third year of college juggling a tough load of classes, dancing performance, and heart wrenching fear of that call…everyday. I found focusing on my class content those few months was very challenging. A time where I had everything, life was good, and I was following my college dreams La la la and then I got a call from mom, “Your Grandpa is dying and you have to come to the Hospital now.” This is the same  moment my pretty world collapsed and felt no longer controllable. I slowly said good bye.

When my Goomba did pass away and his spirit left us into the heavons of our bright blue sky, This is the same moment my body was zapped with his spirit of love, support, and believing that I can fly. Goomba is my first angel and I began to really live again and feel the familiar pulse of myself more and more. Dance became my saving grace through the aggressive sea of grieving. I began to really listen to my heart beat and the burning question…What I wanted to do deeper to serve others in this world??…this question is coming from my Goomba angel lending a helping hand to see my grand potential here on this Earth, helping me see how precious this one life is. I soon was asked on behalf the faculty of my University to Direct a camp for adults with disabilities. The fear became a beacon to inspire me to my ultimate conquest of life challenges that inspire me from deep with in. His angel wings began to show up in a star in the sky when I lived in Eugene, Oregon, where I lived for three months on my dream internship for my degree. I would talk to this star at night and he would sparkle when responding to my daily inspiring stories. This is the point in my life where I felt in touch with my spirituality. I want to acknoledge my incredible Grandfather Jack Herget for that. I want to express from the center of my heart Happy Birthday Grandpa and that I continue to love you & appreciate you everyday of my life.  Blessings to you up there sparkling in the cosmos and right here with us on Earth~

I wish for you today to light a candle for your grandpa, great grandpa, a layer of your lineage that is a very part of who you are today.

Love and Light,
Sommer Albertsen

What is the essence of your still point?

About a week has gone by since I flew away from my paradise life reality. Transition has been a colorful cocktail of many shades of emotions and energy levels. I know with all my heart being on Whidbey Island right now is best for me. One of the main reasons I have such faith in where I am is my mediation practice. While slowly peeling my spirit from Hawaii.. a place I have dreamed of most my life, where I found a deep root of wild joy found with in me. Where I fell in love with myself and all surrounding me.  This paradise was a place full of gifts beyond my craziest dreams. A jungle that wrapped its peaceful arms around me, lighting my heart fire of passionate desire to live my inner dreams and visions of my Island Joy Wellness star. Presently, I am facing internal resistance to being purely here. I want to close my eyes and open to plumeria sea breeze, jungle lush trail land, walking barefoot on my trail greeted by smiling Buddhas reminding me of peace, slipping into a bliss full dance of wild feminine light into the arms of my Kalani Ohana (hawaiian meaning family)….I open my eyes to find that is not what I see now. So yes, I am mourning but what has helped me get through this time of change is I have so much to share with my other Ohana… Whidbey Island and to allow myself to fall madly in love with my business and serve this community with all I have acquired from my paradise Ashram and life building up to this moment now….a high vibration passion and so much motivation is firing inside me. My still point is where most of my clarity and inner peace has come from during my paradise life and current transition time.

I have always said, ” I like to meditate.”

My reality for many years was the feeling I could not sit still but I sure could dance and move in my body. I focused and played with my still point while living at Kalani Retreat Center, for the passed few months. During the two months there was a few real rising moments during my life transformation.  One powerful moment was during a  writing workshop I was drawn to overlooking the inspiring jungle grounds.  A lovely rennaisance women that inspired me to dive deep into a place through writing;  Adriennemareebrown.net/blog , Adrienne asked an intimate group of us….

“What is the essence of your stillness?”

This is a concept that I had struggled with because I could not sit still longer than a minute before coming to Kalani. I knew there was a strength to this still point I was dedicated to during my time there. At this point three weeks in… I had been dedicating a ritual everyday to sit and breath in my nature jungle sanctuary and play with mediation. I was still challenged but feeling like I had made some progress. I had not thought about the essence of this point until miss Adrienne asked the question. I took a deep breath… and began to write and see very clear:

In this place I have my hands open to recieve

the sun is warm on every cell of my skin dripping into my still point….

my heart taking an inhale of blessings and an exhale of love out to all universe

around my still body

I am supported by natures mother’s, grandma’s, and great grandmothers

floral peace, wind touching my skin like silk flirting with soft….still

My hands palms are a picture of my spirit mirrored for all love around me to see…

still in motion

my sitting bones, muscles, connective tissue are all lightly held with spirit wings of grace

with roots of foundation hands reaching to core of the bright sparkle heart beam

spinning like a full moon mirroring my

expanding possibilities…..

my mind is as clear as a bright blue sky.. no cloud of thought in sight…

peace humming bird sound

sustained in my center….chakras 1………2……….3………4……….5…….6……..7

glowing illuminated…       connected clear         hmmmm

Ommmm        my heart thumps

to a point where

only      I       breath      in         love & light

this sacred description gift with in me became my inspiration and beginning of my daily mediation ritual, easing me into a place of endless stillness. Almost two months later I sit in stillness and filled with excitement for this beautiful moment of my day to discover something new with in me, helping me in  this journey. I find peace and so much room for profound ideas to pop into light. I now can say my still point is equally as important as my dance point in my daily ritual. Visualizing  and describing on paper that blessed day with Adrienne shifted my relationship with mediation  and I will be forever grateful for that valuable question.  So I will leave you with the same question to ponder …..

What is the essence of your still point?

I now would love to share after two months of daily meditation practice, that I now can joyfully sit still in meditation for a full hour. Last night I found a deep peace surrender with the setting sun on my body, sitting in the sand, my breath was in the rhythm of the constant soft waves….inhale and exhale I found a sustained still point for an hour plus…sensing my infinite wisdom of shining possibility here on Whidbey Island…. for now I proudly exist~

joy fully written by: Sommer  Joy Albertsen

Transformation Ignites my Fire

March 14th, 2012 symbolizes the first day of my life long fantasy living and breathing Hawaii!!   Batting my eyes and winking with this dream over all these years became maddening in vision. I needed to stop.   Well no longer is this a dream….. now a breath away from destiny playing in my finger tips. Manifestation focus and internal joy, I soar in the sky over the mighty Pacific. I worked so so hard and spoke to the subject believing it is part of my now.  Where my surroundings is a past after thought in the wind of the Pacific Northwest blocking the view of paradise…. but I continued to climb and break through. Four mounths later after a whole lot of hard heart wrenching work in every corner of everyday to make enough to get me to this star in the distance it rested.  A life I can imagine and bring into my intimate embrace of a fulfilling simple tangible paradise where I can just dance and breath in the fresh air of clarity.

I celebrate opening my horizons to saying good bye to the crazy life rat race, and aloha deep spirit.  The first few weeks I floated Oahu with love in site through relationships and deepening my desire and intimacy for Nia in my life. My third week in paradise, I landed on the mystical Pele home… The Big Island of Hawaii.  I landed, feeling my energetic field around me swirl with delight and burning sensation in my pelvis began to ignite, a feeling unfamiliar.  Diving into the intense sea of my journey with unknown colorful fish greeting me at Kalani. It began to rain in the thick terrain jungle pearls of peace, whisper of ease, and misty crystals landed on my naked body floating in the pool alone I began to fall for this sacred new unusual home that I felt oddly familiar with… Kalani Oceanside Retreat Center.   The fire island of change and new beginnings….where my root chakra wants to sit and just exist for a while… still not knowing why? I was called deeply here and I will later find out…. why? Home sweet dream home …I finally arise arriving here. Floating in the moon illuminated pool, time began to slow way way down and all I could hear were Coqui frogs blowing me kisses in a soft song.  A retreat began the next day finding community all about Being Loved and igniting beauty within. Flowers over my neck, dancing for my seed of desire, blue twinkle lights, diving into the cleansing intention of magical abundance began to fruition:

Angels ground me I seek deeper love
letting go like the rain drops land all around
each light beam lands on my skin in gratitude
I trust each day a gift I see to this day my life brings
wholeness I lust
cherish where I come from
believing in where I go
that star in my sky reaching for this breath
I am joy
In rest
and in my hands I sense freedom in the passing wind
starlight dreams in my whisper
enlarging my true essence
Spirit flower sprouts with the red winged bird in flight
lush soothing jungle
smiles from heart surround me
bliss full dance
expression power of ocean waves
just below the surface alive moving lava of intent always
changing, manifesting, transforming, alarming, igniting
the grace of Pele appears
All is apart of me…thank you
I want to hug the ground, kiss the plants
say mahalo to buddha for reminding me
I am peace
My Grams sunlight butterfly wings send me to new heights
I feel her smile, her proud tickled heart embrace
no doubt opportunity awaits
magic abundance is here
I trust~

After setting clear intention for this new home I began to flourish in the arms of simply nature,  clearing my inner garden.  I welcome paradise standing alone~

Co teaching with Gretchen Musgrove on May 29th, 2011 a precious moment captured after class

Lately life has brought me up high to soar on the full moon and has also lead me to great shining gray uncertainty. Right when I thought I had my life figured out and could sit back and kick my feet up … my heart leads me another new direction showing me some things that are not refined and not so much selfishly proud of.  I  must step back from and be gentle with my surroundings and most importantly me. I am opening my heart right now to discovering really what I need from this life. With recent world tragedy seeping through the cracks of freinds, loved ones and my life….I have found myself with the deep desired need for more space for simply, me. Which has not been a simple ride these past few months. That is what I have asked of the universe and what I receive now, more space. I am finding since this soft cushion I am surrounding myself with, the universe has been quite giving in honoring what I need. If you ask you shall receive. I woke up Saturday morning tired, stressed, and a little sick. The sunlight reached through my triad window reminding me there was potential for a beautiful day awaiting me. I began to breath in deeply and listen to my heart to help me make the next move rolling out of my bed. My heart whispered into my ear……Seattle. I then rolled out slowly but with a defined purpose, I began to pack, dance clothes, toothbrush, sacred jewelry, deodorant, jeans….ten minutes later I was ready to go.

As I drove closer and closer to Seattle the air got sweeter letting go of bitter emotions into the rushing sea waves paved by the ferry’s wake. I began to smile again bopping my head to music on the radio….

~~Happiness hit her like a train on a track
~Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
~She hid around corners and she hid under beds
~She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
~With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink….  As if these words had fallen directly from the sky onto my lap cracking my life open like a raw egg all over, connected I dearly felt. I continued to move forward in my car going where ever I wanted to go not really knowing what why or when.. yet. I did find myself drawn to sitting at my favorite hidden treasure coffee house enjoying a beautifully made soy coconut/caramel latte, I ponder over where the wind is taking me I surf the world wide web for classes near bye. Ooo a Nia class is in 30 minutes from this moment lead by an angel of light; Gretchen Musgrove and I must go…. so I did. The last sip of my coffee was hard to let go of but I sipped slowly and savored ….until we meet again. I moved onward to my class finding deep healing, rich magic in my body that I had never experienced before.  In the end freedom with in my strength, I accepted simply being alone again. At the end of the joy ride hour I landed on earth to find Gretchen inviting me to teach some of her class the next day. My heart fluttered and my skin was graciously sweating love, with dear confidants and grace, I answered…Yes I would be honored to teach with you here where Nia came so preciously into my life… five years ago.

After 24 hours of ; visits with my dear friends, deep beauty night sleep, and a couple sessions of Nia practice.. I was back in the sacred space 11:30am Sunday May 29th, 2011, this time walking into the sacred Dance Space as a Teacher. Standing in front of the group with microphone on my face… the moment felt like a dream, the familiar Sanjanna music comforted my nerves as it sang through the speakers, soothing my feet deeper into the earth… the class unfolded flowing in and out of my body. I could feel breath of ease and relief splash off my back from the students as I listened deeper to there energy. My voice began to say words of wisdom I have never heard.. what are you reaching for? What do you need to push away from in your life? that sounded perfect!! I really owned and embodied an intense sense of alive joy pulsating from me to the dancers. When my second song was finished I began to leap proudly into the sparkling air accepting many voices of loving awe around me. I look forward to more of this Nia teaching process. My dear nia sister said to me at the end of the class, “You are no longer a virgin!” She is soooo right I broke the ice happily today sliding deeply into truely embodying a grateful Nia teacher. So the answer to my question is …YES yes yes I am on the right road in my life today.

Where do I belong in this big crazy world?? I think I am getting closer to finding my hearts desires.. I search with my eyes wide open to constant views of treasure and disbelief of accomplishment of where this moment has found me.  My eyes begin to gaze over the view from my living room, sitting,  I watch the sun begin to settle behind the fondu dipped mountains. My palms are drawn to reaching over the sea to slowing down the speed of time and sustain this night and moment.  Time is fluttering by like the freedom of butterfly wings, into the day I drive to my Nia dream training… 2 weeks away. I am equally terrified and ready for this day. My spirit so proud while the mind is twisting, spinning, pacing windy cold thoughts of doubt and strength pushing back and forth.

What can I do to settle my internal storm??…. I need my precious yoga to help me realign my spine and replenish my inner love. A few days of choppy sleep and stressful days at work I find body, mind, and spirit hypnotized by the idea of…. yogaaaa. I have been flowing in and out of Andrea Binder’s class for a couple months now finding a deep release and needed healing connection in this class more than any other yoga class I have found in the last ten years of my life.  This yoga class is like finding the right pair of shoes of my spirit. This class, community, unique shining light has become the soothing spine of my up and downs of island life. The sun salutations,  growing my power within me, the tree pose reminding me to nurture truth with in me. In the first inhale of this class I knew deep with in me that something more was unfolding another dream ….awaits me somewhere in this class.

These classes three times a week, became a strong rooted support in my preparation for my Nia training, bringing awareness of how much I really can push my body. Allowing me to be apart of her incredibly beautiful community of island yogis that have found her at a very small charge and embracing me with warm healing hugs during her unique rich creations of routines consistently helping me face what I want in my life which is part of my theme song that I dance to in my Nia classes. Her classes are like precious stones that are found rarely in this world. Our friendship is growing like a healthy tropical flower in the center of the rain forest of my heart. Thank you for all you have given me Andrea! I will always cherish this time and magic that has blossomed..There was someone catching my focus flickering gentle smiles through the mirror. Is he really looking at me? and upward dog Andrea’s voice would orchestrate in the distance. Sommer, focus back to your breath…flowing again with in. After class I could talk to everyone in the room but this intriguing man with wondering eyes glued to mine again and again… I found myself again face to face …tongue tied.

Serendipity is not always an easy ride to take but every place I visited along the way on this journey has no tone of regret. Since my travels deep in the forest of France I found my heart and fell madly in love with me. Since then, my heart is the savored wind moving me from one breath, moving every single step, and consistent honest expression, and carefully  This life is handing me what I need to surrender to serendipity unfolding so softly and also so roughly. My Seattle adventure lead me to falling into love and 2 months later out of love painfully, my rough waters of appreciated serendipity. That same trip also lead me to my always tender community of Nia, always reminding me to cherish all parts of self, which is not always easy to admit when facing my dancing body in the mirror when there is pain or struggle. Luckily that person in the mirror does not allow being loved by someone that doesn’t love him self enough. I let go of a love that was a face of many colors, darkness more often than light.  Two months of this relationship is where, I stopped. What was once a soulful meaningful sharing to what became a hallow faith and wasted energy. I began to fill my own heart again pulsating a recognition again that I deserve so much more.  Picking up the pieces and brushing the dust off my tense shoulders and walking proudly alone again. This heart wrenching pain disappeared in the breeze of my past. From that moment on, I released and began to fly closer to what I want and beleive exists in me.  The storm of organized chaos of my life began to clear and I could dance freely again in my world, smiling at what is in store with many sacred dreams.

My well lit spirit was found drawn to a workshop called “Being Loved” which is lead by an angelic being, Liz Ganz, who was introduced to me through my Nia journey a year and half prior in Hawaii that I always knew would find a way to help push me forward and inspire me deeply again. This workshop fell into my lap in Seattle and I knew instantly, is exactly right for me in my life where ….serendipity was lost.  The three day workshop was a creatively self loving exploration of my past, present, and future through dance, art, writing, and vocal expression digging deep with in and out I found flying in my skin…. again. This workshop pushed me further into focus on believing in my dreams, where tangible magic began to develop before my eyes…

Four days after “Being Loved” I received an email response to the Nia scholarship application process, that I had been accepted and given the first and only full ride scholarship for my white belt training and the sacred Livelihood Membership package. Basically a front row seat ticket, all inclusive to my dream that has been a distant reality for five years now.  The magic I began to breath into my lungs and prepare for stepping into what I have longed for in life… being a Nia teacher, my heart races joy and love for what is around the next corner. I continue to slowly enjoy the view of this journey being lead by what lies gently between my lungs….just breath and listen, my light is shining… a whisper from my heart echoes….serendipity.

I will hold on hope…

I will find strength in pain

and I will change my ways

lets crawl on all fours out of the cave and come see

the world upside down

***** I need freedom now

I need to live my life

the way it is meant to be.

~Written by the brilliant Mumford & Sons from The Cave~

I have only been home for about a two weeks and the universe continues to rain light on my face. Seeing life long freinds and family, familiar smells, northwest yummy tastes and driving down roads I still could steer closing my eyes with the last song I listened to before I left for France… The Dog Days are Over by Florence and The Machine my theme song, tapping my toes and singing lyrics out loud to the world still makes my goose bumps dance wildly on my skin. I am slowly settling in on my comfort cushions that I have always put my body in throughout my past. Although, my refreshing view on this life, I left behind for three months, I now see clearly. The things I have embraced for way to long and the people I want to help in anyway possible… time to clean out the closet and show my family it is my turn to help them. Having only what I needed on my back in Europe has brought me sweet awareness of the need for so much less. After working hard back at the winery for a couple weeks and being of service to my family’s Christmas needs, I found this peculating desire for new adventure… Seattle. Something about this trip to Seattle made me feel like a gitty little school girl and I was not sure why… yet. The five day trip was filled with some great plans; best friend quality time, Olympus Spa pamper, New Years celebration, surprise gardening at my aunts house, being reunited with my dancing Nia community, my favorite cousins sleepover, solo beach walks, and being open to whatever else unfolds… I could not wait for all of it!!

The morning of my Island departure, the snow began to fall, sticking to the road leading to the ferry. My Camry tires slid all the way to the ferry which only made me smile….nothing will get in my way. As the ferry began to float towards the mainland, I realized today needs to be the day I visit my old job… yes it is time for healthy closure. It had been exactly seven months since my boss brought me into her office and said heartless, “Sommer, today is your last day it is time to clean up your office. I’m sorry to tell you that you are not the right fit for the job anymore.” After three hard working years, I thought were appreciated blood sweating hours, it was time to leave and never look back. I had a hard time accepting this reality for many months but for some reason I knew, there was a better place for me in this world. Looking back on that day and where I am now, I would like to give my boss a huge hug and thank her for putting me through pain and misery that lead my to the sweetest bliss of my life. Merci Susan!! About an hour later I found myself at the main entrance, took one enormous deep breath and stepped in with confidants and an abundance of self pride and said, “Hi.” There was a new boss in town. I found out Susan had been let go because of mistakes she had made in my old department…. hmm interesting. The new boss thanked me for visiting and had the audacity to ask me if I would be interested in coming back. It means alot to me that they would want me back but I will never stoop to that level in taking a job back from a company that would ever let me go. My response to him was, “Thank you so much but no thanks.” The highlight to my visit was the precious elders that I once upon a time considered as close as my own grandparents. The tears I witnessed and the aged hands I held tightly that day brought a unique a yet familiar warmth to my heart that I really missed. I will never forget these peoples lives I touched and impacted. There smiles will forever be etched in my memory. No one can take this away from me.

At the same instant that I decided to visit my past, my present dreams began to blossom. A week ago I submitted my writing to the Nia headquarters website about my story and Nia teaching dearest dream. This writing became the catalyst to the best Christmas gift ever…. I found out from my Nia teacher mentor that my testimonial was picked and featured on the globally connected Nia Website which was one out of a thousand submissions. The news spilled out of my cell phone bringing tears of gratitude down my face. Merry Christmas to me! Little did I know that this news was just the beginning of Serendipity unfolding….

~~~to be continued

So I’m back walking the beaches of my roots with a new spark in my step and back from a few incredibly life-enriching months away from this familiar sand of my history. I find myself recognizing something really new about the way the sand feels and a new longing for stability and foundation that doesn’t change every couple days. I am back from the big solo Europe traveling adventure, and all I want is to be here rooted and watch that sunset I have watched my whole life sink behind the mountains that I can always fall back on. The beauty is I am beginning something new again, and I don’t want my home to change for a while. A place I call home has changed a lot in the last year, but I have adapted to learning how to root my feet in whatever ground I have found. Don’t you want to get back out in the world and explorer more now?? I know with all my heart that traveling will now always be a vital part of my path ahead, but that is not what I crave now. I desire foundation and building a life in one place for now in order for me to thrive perfectly. Trouble has found me in adjusting to this constant place I call home right now, but I know this is where I need and want to be. Like the sand on my beach there are so many layers of me that exist here on this land that I want to create more layers of fresh sand of my present life here.

The past three months had been a life about new adventure and self discovery that I realized I wanted to relive through pictures, past blogs, re-sighting special memories over and over again so that I was having trouble seeing what new adventure was unfolding around me in the precious moment of now.  A dear friend, Josh, told me through  an inspiring email,  “your adventures have only just begun.… ” after a few gray island days full of tears and reflection on what was I was ready to step on the sand barefoot in the cold chill of winter and clear those thick clouds in front of me and celebrate being here on Whidbey Island. I began to recognize that the dream that was my reality in France, Spain, and Portugal alone with only a backpack on my back is a spirit and zest that still exist in me today. My perspective on my old surroundings began to come in clear with a new glow I have never seen before. I walked the beach alone with the sun leading me to a place I have always felt at home–a place where self reflection, new beginnings, letting go, writing mantras in the sand and life-altering meditation has brought me comfort and warmth. I sat alone in a sacred place on my beach with clay cliffs protecting me from behind and blue crisp sky smiling down on me, waves breaking at my finger tips, and rejuvenating sun shining directly into my heart helping me clear my chakras from head to tail, opening my eyes.. awake and fully open in this moment…. I recognized my soul flying high, blessed in just living my life… again. A new chapter begins with a new treasure to take with me any where I go. Inside me lives a perspective of traveling as a state of mind.

Where do I feel drawn to visit next? On the map Sevilla is only a finger print away from Portugal, Morocco, Egypt, and on to expand myself to another unknown jewel a short journey from my current comfort is being searched for.. There is something interesting about finding myself drawn some where beyond borders that I have not realized is so freeing and right in me, until walking this journey. The borders of my life have been constricted to the northwest of the United States. The idea, the dream of somewhere beyond has only been a twinkle in my day dreams. Although I have found ways to venture out of borders before this journey… walking the wild side …. living on the edge of existence, and following my wild hearts cravings. So far I have lived ever so sweetly and have been pleased with my vibrant life and have no regrets. Dancing began as an after school activity my mom would drive me to at three years old, transformed into an intrigue, joy, pleasure, and molded into deep rooted passion. Dance has found my heart and will stay existing in the middle forever. This soul alive expression has opened me to the necessity of an abundance of imagination and creativity in my internal inspiration driving my exterior vibrant reality. This craft is like water to me, I can not live with out. Always feeding my body exuberant nutrients to my mind and soul while rooting my toes and heals gently to ground. Nia a type of dance I found and felt immediately drawn to has changed my life. Through Nia I have expanded my borders and has helped me understand the root of freedom and real magic in me. bringing me to accepting and loving being off balance. In order to get back on track again you must fall and find your way up again. I think a life with out scrapes and bruises is so sterile and bleak. I have also found gratitude in my unique grace and also equal joy in the part of me that is really clumsy. I have so many reasons to explain being human is best. I know many people that I have not scene what makes them human? Some people hide there skeletons well. I have never been that person… thank goodness. Seeing, feeling, hearing what makes a person human makes them more interesting and attractive in this world.

I meet so many people that say I wish I would of ……. in my life, and then never fulfill what they actually want. What kind of life is that? I have had luxury in my life to have that idea of what “I want and dream” to be priority. My life has unraveled my hearts desires. It has not always been easy to keep those desires a priority either. With obstacles always finding a way to blockade me in making me think there is no way around. This journey to Europe is one of the biggest times in life where, no matter how creative those dam obstacles would be in getting in my way, I could find a way around them. I would walk over them, through them, crumbling them patiently with an ice pick to a point where…one day I found a clear path to my dream with the sunsetting in the distance, reassuring me to not giving up is the only way to breath. Some people in this world ask for what they want and they get it instantaneously. I have never gotten what I wanted easily in my life. In the past, I have envied those people that get what they want with out a drop of sweat on their forehead, but at the end of the day and turning thirty this year I can finally say, ” I am so glad I am not that women.” The lessons and appreciation I have gained for getting what I want because I have worked hard remaining strong without giving up, and a heart that never stops beating for my destiny. A life so much more rewarding and rich with angles unexpected and holes I have fallen in have given me the gift to swim in a cleansing gratitude of now finally… it is my turn. The universe is there for you if your ready. I am ready and taking the next step only seeing what surrounds me…

After this life altering journey I have found the urge for the west coast, onward to Lisbon, Portugal. The need to jump…. The desire to feel uncomfortable heat dripping down the center of my spine…. The want to understand the heart of another culture… To dance like no one is watching. I want to clear the clouds and touch the hands of layered Portuguese ancestors. Ask questions and find out answers from the mouths of land born souls, see with my own eyes and feel with my own heart the music of Lisbon, Fado. This is living to me.

I hop onto a bus late in the moon lit hours, winding directly into another dream country, leaving Spain behind. After a long night of traveling on a bus with a fever rising in my sinus cavities, my head is heavy and hot. I am still awake and thrilled to take my first step on the lonely streets of Lisbon, Portugal. Walking with my backpack on my back, written directions to a hostel in one hand and a tissue in my other catching the drips from my nose. At the end of this street, take a right. Alright this feels right… I came to a fork and a steep hill leading me down towards an incredible view over looking the city and the sun began to rise painting the city with an orange glow. The view unfolded and stole my breath for a long extended moment. This unique view is where I looked from my hostel bedroom terrace for the next four days. I stayed at a community nurturing hostel that became my favorite;called the Oasis Backpackers Mansion. I battled through my sickness with shots of salt water up my nose every couple hours, buckets of fluids, some yummy yet cheap local soups, and long challenging nights of sleep. I take it easy on myself and my curiosity of a new country continues with a little less energy…. I walk on. The city of winding roads leading up and down waves of endless hills leading me to various views of the Atlantic ocean. I followed the current to The Museum of Fado where the slow music told me a story about the people of Lisbon. A story of despair and of love. The music brings emotion and sadness while stewing a strong direct feeling of hope. Not able to translate the language, did not stop me from feeling the hearts of the music through the way local fingers would slowly strum the Portuguese guitar in dark shadows left behind of the soothing sounds of Fado voices echoing the pavement of the Lisboan streets. Intriguing me deeply into a silence of listening to my heart beat out of my chest wanting more …….thump …..thump… ……to see and share beyond borders.

Finding my way to a hostel in Sevilla made for me it seemed; quiet, nice people, maturity rising, a room of four beds all for me, surrounded by cozy aged walls, a dream roof top terrace, hammocks swaying with cozy reading corners, and an unusual feeling of home. Have I been here before? Walking around the glistening town finding historical precious pearls of history around many cobbles stone corners. A day under Southern Spain sun I walked the streets with an unknown destination in sight, knowing I was going the right direction with out a worry.

The Royal Alcazar Palace, is where I extended my day feeling like a royal goddess. Frolicking through winding gardens, leaping into orange trees tasting the fruits that royal families tasted once upon a time, wondering if I was going to get caught, I continued to explore. As I stepped into room after room the texture of tiles and intricate carving felt like silk on my finger tips directing me to feel the borders of fascinating design. My hand followed a path along the walls that tranced me into direction. My breath slowed down and shifted my energy into a free dance in the gardens alone in expression. All I could hear were distant birds and wind chiming the leafs together. My spine flew with the curve of the surounded trees, connection to nature… I am awake with my eyes wide open or is this a dream? The palace walls shared the layers of time and religion that had lived here for 500 years. After exploring THE ALAHAMBRA in Granada, Spain, the third most visited place in the world, still The Alcazar rises above in impact and pure impression. Shaking me to the core and moving me into deep understanding that anything is possible after seeing such unbelievable beauty on this planet created by human hands. I would find myself closing my eyes while golden sun dripped warmth into my skin and the beauty surrounded me like an Alice in Wonderland fairytale, with out the scary cheshire cat. I knew…Everything is going to be okay in this world, true peace was found there at the Alcazar Palace. An unforgettable day swepped into a path I walked with glitter footprints left behind.

That evening my tail feather lead me to my first Flamenco performance which is why I chose to stay in Spain and discover the city where Flamenco culture was born; Sevilla. Winding through a maze of small roads leading to La Carboneria, a hidden treasure for authentic Flamenco. Finally at the door step after being lost on a ten minute walk that became an hour. I ordered my drink with some British freinds and Joe from Pittsburg I met earlier in the day. We all gathered around a really small stage with four rugged chairs, despite our long walk there, we got there early and got the table right in the front row. After a few sips of my sangria I looked behind me and was shocked to see faces crammed in every direction sending sounds of chatter off the walls. Until four mysterious people casually walked onto the stage and sat down, the room went dark and all I could see and feel was the slow foot tapping of the performers on stage as the Flamenco performance unfolded. One man began to sing in a soothing yet sad cry as the others held a constant clapping rhythm, faces concentrating and then one stood strongly and began to dance, feet moving quickly along the floor adding layers of sound to the music, arms floating above.. controlled chaos below. Silence fell over the crowd, my jaw dropped, eyes glued ahead. After the show, a bit drunk, I tried my best at asking in Spanish, ‘Can I take a Flamenco class with you.’ All four performers looked at me puzzled. Immediately they brought over their English translator bartender to help figure out what the hell, I am trying to say. The main dancer eventually communicated to me through the bartender and said, ‘she charges 60 euro per hour’. She was AMAZING….. but not that good!

So I gave up on classes with them and discovered on my own, there are much cheaper Flamenco dance classes in Sevilla with some of the city’s best.

At a pretty 10 euro an hour I reserved a spot and the next day I was on my way to my first class down a long cobbles stone road and finally found the sign leading me through the colorful tiled doors of The Estudio Flamenco Juan Polvillo school. I followed the sounds of stomping movement coming from one of the studio spaces finding Juan, a sweaty sexy Latin man looking intensely at his dancers, butterflies began to rise in my stomach. The five other dancers in the room and the instructor all spoke in Spanish out loud practicing many movements from past classes and I was lost. What am I doing here? It was one of the many Lost in Translation Bill Murray moments I had experienced traveling. Ten minutes into the class…..the teacher voiced concern of my ability and told my neighbor to tell me that I should not come back to this class and that there are beginner classes available. What am I doing here?? Ouch, but I decided to stay and challenge her concern. By the end of the class I had made some huge development in my technique, I was dancing with confidence and grace that I could feel in my blood, the heat began to surround my body. I felt fulfilled and a smile surfaced on the creases of my face. I really began to have fun and feel the movement flow. My eyes crossed paths with the instructors and her body language was focused on me. She shared in Spanish to my neighbor to tell me in English that I am welcome to come back next week to this level, she was impressed with my turn around.  My internal starlight expanded and I frolicked in Flamenco movement twirling down the streets proudly under the unforgettable moonlit Sevilla sky to dinner, where I met two beautiful men from my hostel…. life is precious.